Transcribe from my journal, written earlier today.
Sitting in the Grand Hyatt dining room enjoying a solo breakfast and tea as Boo sleeps up in the hotel room. This is my third day in Thailand, a country that I have been itching to visit for several years.
My time here so far has been highly marked by having white skin and first world money. Beautiful hotels, private cabs and tuk-tuks, fancy meals and ring-side Muay Thai tickets and last minute plane tickets to beautiful islands with crystal blue waters. It has been absolutely wonderful and stupendous, and I couldn’t have done it without one of my best friends by my side for the entire thing. Yet at the same time it feels as if something is missing.
Currently in the city there are thousand-men protests about an amnesty bill being voted upon in the national government. Streets are shut off, tensions among some locals and political parties are high, and photos of the police bearing tear gas canisters are on the cover of every paper. The guides and hotels warn you of such things, and gently suggest that you do not go to the mentioned areas.
And thus my heart , with it’s unyielding sense of adventure and undying need for further exploration years to go to such places- NEEDS to go to such places. The chaos and strife that exists in the lives of the everyday man needs to be witnessed. The slums and the sinking neighborhoods are what drew me to this city- not the golden Buddhas or gem markets. Hell, even the sex tourism industry that is not so hidden in plain view calls to me because of the dark undertones and socio-economic controversies surrounding it. I year. For the truth and reality that seemingly stem from the unrest.
And yet throughout these past few days spent 12 time zones away from the ultimately familiar and known- my home of Washington, DC- my mind has consistently drifted back to the least chaotic and the most peaceful thing in my world- the man that I love back home. The thought of his relentlessly kind, warm, and supportive eyes brings a type of ease to my mind, and a calmness to my soul. The man, that until this trip I spent sleeping next to every night for over a month and a half- watching him smile and breath gently in his sleep, that threw my world into a spin when I realized I not only loved him but had fallen IN love with him… brings some ultimate comfort to my mind that I still find hard to explain. For now I will take the easy route and just say that I have found someone holding the other end of my mythological red string.
The ultimate reminder that comes from this source if ease and comfort is that I am not alone in this adventure/endeavor that inlaid out for myself several months ago. Though yes, it is incredibly important and crucial to create your own path and be the master of your own dictum, it is not necessary to force yourself to act as a “lone soldier”. As long as virtue and sincerity guide and are present in my actions, I have grown comfortable with the fact that I sometimes too must rely upon a few select others in this world. I no longer have any shame in that.
I write these things and take these trips not as a showcase to others, but as a form of accountability and a reminder to myself. I too sometimes have tie member to keep exploring, learning, and staying accountable. I have to move and live with purpose, be guided by virtue, and show the utmost compassion and love whenever possible.
Bangkok, Thailand, Southeast Asia, and the world… I’m nowhere near done with you yet.